Back to Back Asian Attack!
The #8 Value Meal in Chinatown
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
WHOAH WHOAH, NOT SO QUICK!
I’VE GOT ONE MORE!!!
NOW WE CAN EAT!!!
Take it easy John…
Why is Creedence Clearwater Revival SO good, and John Fogerty on his own so LAME?
He wrote 6 WHOLE albums in a span of 2 years… SIX WHOLE FIVE STAR FANTASTIC ALBUMS!!!
Do you think the rest of the guys would be half asleep with their instruments in their laps and John would BUST in like, “HEY I GOT AN IDEA FOR ANOTHER AWESOME SONG!!!”
And they would wake up all starled and groan, “AWWW COME ON JOHN NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SONG!!!”
Monday, January 30, 2006
Wrestling for the NON Wrestling Fan
I know what’s been on your NON Wrestling minds…
WHO IS THIS UNDERTAKER I KEEP HEARING ABOUT???
Well, the Undertaker was born into a simple life, making coffins, burying the dead, and then one day he sold out… and began wrestling professionally at the request of The Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase!
But, their business relationship grew sour and Paul Bearer became his manager
THEN THE UNDERTAKER DIED!!! But he rose from the grave EVEN MORE POWERFUL!!!
THEN HE DIED!!! And rose from the grave TO BATTLE THE FAKE UNDERTAKER!!!
Yes, much like Superman and He-Man before him, there was a jerk macking his flavor.
THEN HE DIED!!! But he rose from the grave to discover that his little brother Kane was ALIVE!!!
See, when the Undertaker was a kid he tried to kill his brother by burning down their house, but Kane lived and trained to become a professional wrestler.
Kane was very badly burned from the fire, so he had to wear a mask and a full body suit, with only one arm exposed, it was the ONLY place on him not burnt to a crisp!!!
With a feud so HEATED, the Undertaker and Kane fought in the only match that made sense, an INFERNO MATCH!!!
So, they lit the ring on fire!!!
The Undertaker won the match!!!
THEN THE UNDERTAKER DIED!!! But he rose from the grave and wore a cape and started his own religion called The Ministry of Darkness. Then one day he sold out, and his religion became The Corporate Ministry.
THEN HE DIED!!! But he rose from the grave… as a biker…
And then he became friends with his little brother Kane, who’s once thought to be totally burnt OTHER arm turned out to be OKAY afterall!
THEN THE UNDERTAKER DIED!!! But he rose from the grave EVEN MORE POWERFUL!!!
WITH A BIG HAT!!!
And then, his little brother Kane, who’s once thought to be totally burnt WHOLE BODY turned out to be OKAY afterall!
He’s just really ugly…
Then the Undertaker died… again…
Kane spoke at the funneral.
And then… I think he’s dead again, or maybe he’s not I don’t know…
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT!
FACE THE WORLD!!!
HERE SHE IS!!! The woman who got the first face transplant ever!!!
Good for her, she looks so much better than before!
And just for the sake of posterity, I fucking hate Raplh Malph
http://www.sundaytimes.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,7034,17967407%5E950,00.html
Friday, January 27, 2006
BILL ME!!!
Can anyone explain to me why there’s no SNL Best of Bill Murray DVD?
Guess I’ll have to stick with the BEST OF JIMMY FUCKING FALLON!?!?!?!?!?!?
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Matty Mac!
I’M A WINNER!!!
wait… No I’m not! I’m a loser who bought a Sega CD
ANYONE ELSE GET DOOPED INTO BUYING THIS CHUNK OF SHIT??? And play LAAAAAAAME games like Night Trap? Where you have to stop Vampires or something from killing girls in a sleep over party or something? I don’t even fucking know.
Well if you did, I’m still a bigger loser because I bought a 32X as well
which had NO games… unless, of course, don’t count Night Trap-
IT WAS THE SAME GAME IN A DIFFERENT BOX AND I FUCKING BOUGHT IT!!! Whaaaaaaaaaaat? You did what????? Yeah, I bought it… So, hands down, I’m a bigger loser
Friday, January 20, 2006
You Heard It Here FIRST! COME CLEAN!
2006 is the year, finally, that we all COME CLEAN! Go pick up the latest issue of Rolling Stone and see how this phenom is catching on!
SCOTT STAPP, singer from the awful band CREED, COMES CLEAN!!!
COME CLEAN IN ‘06
thanks for coming clean Rolling Stone: http://www.rollingstone.com
Mom locks daughter in bathroom for 30 years!
ROME. A 73-YEAR-OLD woman is being investigated for “kidnapping and maltreating a family member” after allegedly keeping her mentally disturbed daughter locked in a darkened bathroom for 30 years.
SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU! SPINA ESSO SU!
Another lesson for the NON Wrestling Fan
Warrior (real name Warrior Warrior. No seriously, this guy legally changed his first and last name) is suing the WWE for defamation over the “The Self Destruction of the Ultimate Warrior” DVD.
It’s true, they made him look positively foolish.
