Matt McCarthy - Genuis

A few of my friends bought a canoe.

I wanted to round up a crew to beat them to the sporting goods store.

Then they’d be like, “Oh Hey, what’re you doing here?”

And have GIANT corkscrews over our shoulders,

OH NOTHING! TEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!

It’s amazing that I’m in a situation where I can use the phrase

“Screw you and your canoe”

this isn’t the first time you’ve asked yourself “…is that art garfunkel coming out of his ass?”

you’re bumming out paul simon!!!

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Axl Rose spent most of the day in a Stockholm jail cell after allegedly biting a security guard in the leg at his hotel, police said.

AND AWAY WE GO…

• Welcome to the Stockholm prison system
• It’s so easy… to bite security guards
• I bite my security guards with style
• Dancing with Mr Bitestone
• Parabite City
• Bite Michelle
• And if I stare too long, I’d probably bite down and cry
• When I was younger, I bit someone like you
• I’m still alright to smile
• I used to love her, but I had to bite her
• Don’t need no braces, clamped in front of my security guard
• It’s hard to bite security, in the cold november rain
• Then when she said she was gonna like wreck my car, I bit her
• Bitedown, let me hear it now
• HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BIT AND MISSED?
• OH MY DISTORTED SMILE… guess what I’m doing now?

 Biting a security guard? Is that what?

oh yeah…

is that post below depressing?

i feel like the old man on Rescue Me; “goddamnit, i wanted this to be funny”

IRREGARDLESS, it’s still the best analogy for love i’ve ever heard, little love bug- tee hee hee hee

it works on every level:

• you got your bumpy roads
• you got your things running out of gas
• and you have your “don’t get distracted by how big her headlights are, or you might drive off a cliff”

FURTHERMORE!!!

ok, it’s the 2nd best analogy, the greatest one was Alec Baldwin’s in Outside Providence

Making sex is like Chinese dinner, it ain’t over ’til you both get your cookies… remember I said that